Just a name

Today I went to the funeral of a young lady who I knew back home in Redlands. She apparently couldn't stand herself anymore...so she took her own life. Her name was Farah, she left a twin sister, Soraya.

My Cousin, Shadi now has something in common with Soraya in that they have both lost a twin sister. Shadi came out here only a couple weeks ago to hold a memorial for Shahrzad. I still wonder what exactly my effect on her is and why it is she feels so close to me. Maybe its just because nothing makes me happier to be there for her... Or because the first 12-14 years of our lives were practically spent together... Sherry, Shadi, and Jonny Boy.

After Farah's funeral, I came to work. My admin, Serena, wanted to know how it went and I ended up describing all that I've written here. This reminded her of her own brother who also took his life at the age of 20... with him though, it was a result of schizophrenia.

In hearing his story my heart melted and died and came back to life several times. She described his kind nature, his desire to be closer to his mother, his hopes to become a hip hop artist, and his being an amazing uncle to her son.

And then she mentioned in passing that his name was Jonathan... and that everytime she interacts with me she thinks of him.

It may seem strange... but there is an intense yet subtle beauty in moments like this.