From an assessment at work

We had to fill this out and I realized that as of late I've been in this mode and I'll be damned if I let this continue.

How though?

Here's the thought process exactly copied from the assessment:

"Resisting Blaming or Complaining"

Blaming or complaining takes people into states that misdirect their energy. In the "Blamer State," the other person's fault is both clear and misplaced. Blamers thus focus their energy on punishment and sarcasm, rather than creativity and problem solving. The Blamers' emotional signature is anger, or sometimes rage.

Complaining takes people into the "Victim State." Victims name the (apparently unalterable) circumstances as the problem, feel helpless, and take no action. Then, Victims form "clubs" of sympathetic others to validate their helplessness and alleviate their sadness. Thus, Victims spread their toxic helplessness.

Here is an easy test to tell whether you are in either the Blamer or the Victim state. Ask, "How do I feel?" If you feel good, you are not in these debilitating states. If you feel lousy, you likely are.

Teams fully meet the standard when members:

• Notice they are entering the Blamer or Complainer state and stop;
• Are intolerant of blaming or complaining in others; and
• Refuse to join complainer "clubs."