normal day

Today was a normal day, but I think its that normality thats just getting on my nerves. Nothing I've done is decidedly significant. Nobody has given me any beef jerky my mind can chew on. So, something's gotta happen. The mood alone is just too weak. Maybe something will come up tonight. Maybe today's just not the day. Tomorrow's gotta be better, right?

Nevermind, I lied... I've had at least two excellent conversations today and I have plenty to chew on. My problem is learning about a simple fact. Separation is occuring, and I'm kicking and screaming while being dragged to calmer waters and greener pastures.

Just a name

Today I went to the funeral of a young lady who I knew back home in Redlands. She apparently couldn't stand herself anymore...so she took her own life. Her name was Farah, she left a twin sister, Soraya.

My Cousin, Shadi now has something in common with Soraya in that they have both lost a twin sister. Shadi came out here only a couple weeks ago to hold a memorial for Shahrzad. I still wonder what exactly my effect on her is and why it is she feels so close to me. Maybe its just because nothing makes me happier to be there for her... Or because the first 12-14 years of our lives were practically spent together... Sherry, Shadi, and Jonny Boy.

After Farah's funeral, I came to work. My admin, Serena, wanted to know how it went and I ended up describing all that I've written here. This reminded her of her own brother who also took his life at the age of 20... with him though, it was a result of schizophrenia.

In hearing his story my heart melted and died and came back to life several times. She described his kind nature, his desire to be closer to his mother, his hopes to become a hip hop artist, and his being an amazing uncle to her son.

And then she mentioned in passing that his name was Jonathan... and that everytime she interacts with me she thinks of him.

It may seem strange... but there is an intense yet subtle beauty in moments like this.

Last night I saw Nine Inch Nails at the Henry Fonda Theater.

Ah-maze-ing show. Holy moly it was good....

You become what you are, then go right back...

I was looking at a friend's blog just now. It seems its such a celebration of growth when someone leaves their home to do work in the spirit of service. Lifelong memories, friends, images, thoughts, words...

Then you come home. God help those who have to come home. Maybe I'm belittling my own experience. In the end we're supposed to inspire. All I can inspire is that I can relate to all. Seriously, there is no person on this earth that I cannot connect with.

First Entry

I would like to use this as a concise form of expression. My hope is that this will not be as socially pressurized as Facebook, not as brief as Twitter, but still capable of imparting something in a short perio___